One for the blokes

[Jeff]

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out for a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, posh unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis racquet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine,
honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think
this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,

"WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added..

"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b**ch knows I'm smarter than her.

Jeff

[Linnear]

Seems a good place to post this warning.


There are a couple of women that hang around supermarket car parks looking for men who are shopping alone.

They wash the man's car while he's shopping and wait for him to come out. When the man offers to pay they say they just want a lift to the next supermarket.

As the man drive's the two women start kissing and udressing in the back and then one offers to move into the front to see if there's "anything the man would like."

While this is going on the girl in the back nicks all the good stuff out of the shopping and also the man's wallet!

Beware, I was robbed 5 times last week!

[kemzero]

Originally Posted by Linnear

Seems a good place to post this warning.


There are a couple of women that hang around supermarket car parks looking for men who are shopping alone.

They wash the man's car while he's shopping and wait for him to come out. When the man offers to pay they say they just want a lift to the next supermarket.

As the man drive's the two women start kissing and udressing in the back and then one offers to move into the front to see if there's "anything the man would like."

While this is going on the girl in the back nicks all the good stuff out of the shopping and also the man's wallet!

Beware, I was robbed 5 times last week!

well Linnear you obviously had the time of your life ..hope it was well worth it! and Jeff you are a wicked wicked man ....by the way you must be a rich p'cist as your girlfriend obviously thinks you could afford all that stuff ... were you at Harrods, Liberty or Selfridges?

[Pharmanaut]

Originally Posted by kemzero

well Linnear you obviously had the time of your life ..hope it was well worth it! and Jeff you are a wicked wicked man ....by the way you must be a rich p'cist as your girlfriend obviously thinks you could afford all that stuff ... were you at Harrods, Liberty or Selfridges?

I'll bet he got the weekly offer newsletter and took her to Lidl.