Poor Jokes

[Defblade]

Man goes to the psychiatrist.

"I keep having these 2 recurring dreams, every night," says the man. "In the first dream I'm a circus big top, in the next dream I'm a wigwam. All night - big top, wigwam, big top, wigwam."

"Ahh, this problem is simple" says the psychiatrist. "You're two tents."

[Nik]

Archaeologists have just discovered an ancient Egyptian ruler embalmed in chocolate.

Apparently it was Pharoah Rocher.

[Rebyoo]

conjunctivitis.com

it's a sight for sore eyes.

[Hello]

Man goes to pharmacy

"do you stock Viagra?"

Ph "yes sir, we do"

M "will I be able to get it over the counter?"

Ph "hmmmm maybe............if you take two sir"

[Hello]

A man goes to the pharmacy and says to the counter assistant in a rather curt and abrupt voice.

"give me 10 condoms please MISS"

"don't you MISS me" replies the counter assistant.

"well then, you had better give me 11 condoms then hadn't you!!!!"

[Hello]

I wen't to the zoo but all they had was one little dog.
It was a schi tzu.

My sister bread her latso apso with a schi tzu and got latso schitz!

[Hello]

How do you know if there is a pharmacist in the room?

They'll tell you!!!!!

[Ap0thecary]

Man goes to see a doc and says,

Doc doc,I feel like a needle...

Doc says, I see your point


OUCH!

[Gowan]

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble squares yesterday – going to the loo could spell trouble!

[Gowan]

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch each day in the Men's Grill at the Golf Club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points..

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods... She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the front lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man.. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too. .

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol. I'm not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.



EDITOR'S NOTE:
Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder... The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defence that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club...